What can hurt us over the death of a loved one? So an initial bereavement produces a sense of shock and numbness. But sadness, anger, guilt, or depression may come soon.
Grieving is a process and it is not humanly possible to deal with its devastation all at once. An unexpected bereavement can be particularly hard to make sense of. Bewilderment and protest can endure for several years.
What has been felt as a vital relationship may have vanished. The death then ends in a feeling of vulnerability for one as a lone human being.
So perhaps it is not surprising that we all might feel uneasy when in the business of a mourning friend particularly after a significant recent loss. Not needing to mention the death for fear of saying the wrong thing. Uncertainty about what to say which might be useful in the situation. In two minds about how long to give them if they want to talk at length about their feelings.
Here are 6 tips:
1. Bereavement and sharing of negative feelings
Some folks may be in the habit of not allowing themselves to get in touch with any inner painful feelings. So, following the death of a loved one, they may try to carry on as if little had happened, not talking to the dead person in conversation. But it will not help to collude with them in ignoring their bereavement.
It is tempting to soothe and comfort the bereaved person who’s hurting. But actually this might hinder them from talking about their feelings in their own pace.
2. Bereavement and time to speak privately.
The bereaved vary as to how much they want to share their negative feelings. Some want to talk in length. This may cause you to feel uncomfortable. However, they may need you to let them do this. So imply anything can be said. Give time.
3. Bereavement and irrational thoughts
There’s an irrational part of each of us which is likely to add to feelings of bitterness or create a blaming attitude about a reduction. For example anger against fate, or even against the individual who has died. If challenged such attitudes may be suppressed. Just when they come out into the open can they be researched and later questioned.
Some individuals may mention their loss but attempt to put on a brave face. They may feel ashamed of the strong feelings and need encouragement to express their sorrow.
4. Bereavement and insight
‘Is there something I could have done to avoid this? If only I had called Melbourne Beach Wildlife Removal‘
In classic book’On death and dying’ by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, points out that personal relationships which have been close yet hard often leave a legacy of guilt. This feeling could be for that which was unresolved between the deceased and the surviving person. All personal relationships have complications.
The bereaved person can be greatly helped to be gain insight into irrational thoughts about their loved one by reliving memories, e.g. by going through the photographs, and talking about and acknowledging what’s been great and precious in the connection. Likewise, why not invite them to discuss the deceased with people who knew the dead person nicely. This would help to develop a more precise picture and to integrate others’ understandings with the person’s own memories and images.
This should also help the bereaved individual be more realistic about him or herself. Speaking about the deceased helps the person to recognise that each of us is that we are, in part because of whom the other person was to us.
5. Bereavement and professional help.
It’s realistic to expect to continue to be greatly upset by bereavement for a couple of decades or so. However, your friend may need at some point to be reassured that it wouldn’t be disloyal for them to allow a re-integration with life and slow forming of new ties.
However they may seem to be inconsolable, stuck endlessly in their despair. They could be functioning in a limited way but deny this is related to their own bereavement or any inability to give expression to their feelings.
“If a person has not had the benefit of previous secure attachment, the loss will be much harder to bear (and may require counselling to unravel the sooner problems).”
6. Bereavement and potential reunion
He reported that unlike the body, the mind of a person does not die. In the material world a desire to talk to someone brings people together on the phone or in person. Likewise, after death in the next life, he wrote that we are able to talk to any deceased person we would like to who we had previously known from our bodily life; especially a lover or other family member. Swedenborg wrote that he had seen many spirit people with their soul relatives. But if they found they were of different inner personality they parted company after a while. For in the spiritual realm he states internal likeness unites and inner gap separates.